Ah, Fuck your neighbor, the game for people who think poker is too high-brow and would rather weaponize pettiness instead. And our version has a spicy twist? Think you're gonna screw someone by giving them an Ace?  Well, it's never what it seems.

Step 1: Everyone Gets One Card

The dealer gives everyone one cards, face down. Congratulations—you’ve just been handed a potential nuclear waste item masquerading as a hand. But don’t worry: in this game, the goal is not to win—it's to make someone else lose. Basically, it’s a game designed to destroy friendships. Fuzzy’s going to cry, and Vanderpants might flip the table. Fun times ahead!

Step 2: Decide your status

Now for the "hard" part: decide if you want to keep or pass your card. If you feel it's the lowest card on the table slide it face down to the player on your left.

  • Think strategically here: that 3 of Clubs might seem harmless, but if Vanderpants, on your left has an Ace, and you pass that then you're screwed.
  • And don’t try to bluff by passing a decent card. If you're good, then stay and hope low cards don't pair up.
  • If you have a King, flip it and display it as proud as you can. You just blocked the player to your right.

Step 3: Receive Someone Else’s Trash

And now, like the generous souls they are, the person on your right gifts you their hot garbage. You’ll probably get a 2 or a 3 because everyone’s basic. Unless they overthink it and pass you something random, like the Seven of Spades, because they forget how the game works.

Step 4: Flip'em

You’re not done yet. You keep passing cards until everyone has played musical chairs with their trash. By the end of this round, your hand will either be slightly better or a raging dumpster fire. Either way, it’s not about you anymore—it’s about who’s going to eat it and that belongs to the lowest card now showing. They lose and put their money for that round in the middle. But wait...there's more...

Step 5: Bumpity Bump? Pair the Lowest Cards and Watch the Drama Unfold

Now comes the part that separates this beautiful monstrosity from normal Fuck your neighbor: if the lowest cards pair up then they gang up and the next lowest card loses.

  • Whoever has the lowest cards gets to combine them and escape fate. For example, if Fuzzy & Too High Bret both have 2s, those bad boys gang up and make the NEXT HIGHEST CARD loses.
  • Let me repeat that: the next cards up that aren't paired is the loser. So, congrats to Chef and his sad little 4 of Diamonds! You’re tonight’s punching bag.

Step 6: Revel in Chaos

Now we all get to laugh at Chef while he laments his fate. Because in this game, it’s not about winning—it’s about survival. And Chef, sweet summer child that he is, never stood a chance.

And that’s it. Fuck your neighbor with your delightful "bumpity bump" twist. It’s a game of strategy, spite, and watching Chef cry. Now shuffle up and deal, because we’ve got friendships to ruin.